Dear Ms. Yellowrock:
I want to thank you for helping me get rid of the pack of Were-rottweillers that infested my park. Leaving bottles and cans all over the place and leaving pee-mail challenging me on every post I am a perfectly designed basset hound, a hunting machine, but I am also smart enough to realize that eight Weres were too much for just me to handle. Even if Auntie Heather had the magic to make the pack go away, I was afraid they’d hurt my Girlpup Karly while they searched for the recipe. You came out quickly and with your pack and my help, easily hunted down the Were-rotts and sent them under the rainbow bridge.
Even if you do smelltaste muskycatnotpeep, you are very good.
George-the-Bassett-familiar, who knows good.
PS. Enclosed find my favorite liver brownies as a bonus.
PPS. Oops. The liver brownies aren’t here. Sorry.
Dear Jane Yellowrock,
I want to thank you for driving away the blood-sucking fanged monsters that were crashing my garden parties. It’s hard enough to maintain lovely moon gardens, find people to provide delicious food, and keep everyone happy during evening get-togethers, without having pesky blood suckers come and try to eat the guests. You did an amazing job clearing the area, though I must admit, you did leave a mess. The pool people say the water had to be drained and refilled, and the beds were filled with blood and gore. On the positive, the blood seems to green up the flowers. If you ever need a reference, let me know.
Mud Mymudes, Owner
Muddy Paws Plantings and Design.
Dear Ms. Yellowrock,
Due to your timely rescue, I and my tea shop were saved from a rather gory fate from a less-than-fashionable young vampire. Your quick thinking dispatched the young punk before he could spray all of my loose teas with blood from the carotid of a regular customer. I hope to continue to see you in Strip Teas often. Thank you so for your assistance, I would recommend you to any of my fellow shopkeepers along Haywood Street. One question, however, have you seen my Pomeranian Foo Foo? He seems to have disappeared during the struggle and all I’ve found is his purple plaid bow.
Dear Ms. Yellowrock,
Thank you for your timely intervention on our behalf. If not for your quick thinking, our entire workforce would have become fangy. A good forklift tech is worth his weight in gold and our business would not be able to wait ten years until they were able to work without biting our customers. If you are ever in need of a reference for your services, please do not hesitate to contact me. Sincerely, Lisa Williams, COO BWS Industrial Services, Inc. ( this is our real business . Our website is BWSISI)
Dear Jane Yellowrock,
As the owner of Bayou Bill’s, I would like to thank you for helping me with my security problem. Owning a bar is hard enough with so much competition in today’s marketplace, but when your clientele starts disappearing when they leave your place it makes it even harder, despite offering a dance floor, pool tables and plenty of our signature micro brewed beers. The first security specialists I hired just couldn’t get the job done and quit on me when a number of them went down in the line of duty against the vampires who decided that my clientele were going to be their drink of choice several times a week. When I stumbled on your website, I must admit I was hesitant to contact you since you are a woman. I know that might seem old fashioned, but I am old fashioned kind of guy. However, since we are located outside of the main tourist areas of New Orleans, I serve mostly locals. Those locals support my business and have become like family and so I ignored my old fashioned instincts of allowing a woman to get into a dangerous situations and contacted you. You surprised me in our first face to face meeting, coming off as competent and intimidating, even to and older Army Vet like myself. You also didn’t pepper me with questions like the first team I hired. Instead, you just got right to the point, and then you quickly showed those vampires the point. The point of a stake. On behalf of me and my staff, I can’t thank you enough of ridding me of those vampires preying on my clientele. You were worth every penny I paid you and will definitely be recommending you to anyone I come across who needs a security specialist like you.
Dear Ms. Yellowrock,
Enclosed please find payment for services rendered.
I would like to personally thank you for your aid in our time of need. We realize that you normally do not travel this far north and appreciate the trouble you went to help us out. With the numbers of rogue vampires dramatically increasing in our area and their subsequent unhealthy, unsanitary lifestyle in the lairs allowing the bedbug population to explode-you have actually done a great service for our nation. Bedbugs are becoming more of an epidemic and the connection you made of rogue vampires and the infestations will allow us to proceed in a manner to contain this epidemic. Working together, we can eliminate or contain both threats.
Thank you once more and I look forward to working with you in the future.
Diana Grubbs, Owner
Indiana Exterminating Company
2201 E. Willard Street
Muncie, Indiana 47302
Thank you for rescuing my dinner guests and I last night after a group of crazed zombie-vamps burst in the front door and attacked us for THEIR dinner! You must have been chasing them to have come in so close behind them, but I for one am grateful that was the case!
It was awesome watching you take out the zombie-vamps in twos and threes without seeming to break a sweat! The sight I will remember best though, is of you reaching out behind you for whatever could be used as a club on the vamp you had by the throat and thoroughly drubbing it with another vamp’s arm!!! which Eli (?) had handed you without hesitation when he saw you needed a blunt object, pronto! The expression on your face as you looked at, then dropped it and Eli’s sheepish shrug in response was nothing less than priceless!
I will be contacting the county to request they pay you a stipend for your timely rescue that no 911 call would have solved!
Mesa Ridge Survivor
PS, the family parakeet is grateful for your face-slamming the zombie vamp (who was chasing it as an appetizer) into the wall.
Thank you so very much for racing to our rescue here at FictionNation Books last evening. We had no idea the book signing we had taking place with the awesome urban fantasy author Faith Hunter, would bring those horrible spider-looking bloodsuckers to our book shop. Thank goodness you and your team were just down the block having dinner. If y’all hadn’t come running, all Ms. Hunter’s devoted fans, who had been waiting in a line for 6 hours just to get in to see her and get her autograph, would have been vamp vittles. I guess it was just too much of a temptation for them. We honestly had no idea it would take that long to get through a line that wrapped around the building and was 3 blocks long! That is one event we won’t soon forget, if ever. Though we hope to never need your services again, we will keep your number handy, just in case.
P.S. Is that cute Mr Eli seeing anyone?
It was a pleasure to welcome you to our Stone People’s Lodge last weekend, when I had the opportunity to use the new antlers provided me by our friend, Jaymie, as I brought the stones into the altar.
We especially appreciate the fact that the rogue vampires, who had been stalking our people during and after ceremony, decided to wait until we were finished with lodge and with our feast following it. I’m certain they were very surprised to discover the most famous and deadly vampire slayer in the world had honored our invitation to join us and see if she could assist with our problem. That Beast chose to return to us and share sometime around the fire was equally an honor. Not many of my companions had ever experienced the beauty and grace of a puma concolor. She is a unique and magnificent Beast. We were also thrilled that you chose to return to complete our evening after Beast had headed back into the woods.
Please feel welcome to join us any time; we’d be honored. Our usual lodge is on the second Saturday afternoon each month, but we occasionally meet at other times, and I’ll send you an e-mail whenever they occur if you’d like.
Best wishes for continuing success and adventure, and our gratitude for creating a safe ceremony once more.
PS: Should you ever wish a personal lodge when you’re in our region, please let me know.